Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
