you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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