Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
