Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
