You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
