i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
