Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
