Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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