woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
