I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
