I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
