I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
