So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Mom said you looked used
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
