apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
