Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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