i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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