just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
