So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
