you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
