Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
