just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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