I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
