He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize