I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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