so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
