hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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