dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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