I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
