I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
