my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
