I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
