am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
