If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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