We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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