What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He passed out mid-signature
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
