If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
