Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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