you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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