I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
