I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
