she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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