does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
