so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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