we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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