I hate all girls vehemently.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
