No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
