My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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