First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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