I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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