Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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