also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
