you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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