how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
