i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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